I don't know when it happened. I don't know how it happened.... but I sincerely wish my biological clock hadn't turned on. Or, if it had to turn on, maybe it didn't need to be on full blast?
I have become an obsessive recorder of my menstrual cycle, of my expected ovulation days, of everything having to do with making a baby. Soon, my poor, darling husband will probably start calling me the sex Nazi... he'll be one of those men that doesn't look forward to sex, but feels like a slave to his irrational wife's desires for a baby. Dramatic? Possibly.
It frustrates me to think that there are people out there who don't want their babies, who will be horrible parents, but somehow they manage to keep having babies. It's when I stop to think about things like that, that I get angry and I want to lash out at everyone and everything.
I know I would make a good mommie... just like I know my darling husband would make a fabulous daddy. I light candles, I say prayers, I follow the craziest advice from any one of my friends that offer it up. Still, nothing. I try not to stress, and I tell myself I won't dwell on it but I know this is a lie. I know that I will still obsessively count the days until my next expected period, ovulation days, etc., etc.
I can't help it.
If anyone knows how to turn off a biological clock, please... let me know.
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