Babies on the Brain....

I've been married a little over a year. It's been a good year. We moved into our love nest, our first home together, and I don't think I've ever been happier.

Except....

For the last two months or so, the only thing I have on my mind is babies. White babies, brown babies, MY babies. Some switch flipped in my mind within the last few months and now the only thing I can think of is, "I want my own babies". Now, this wouldn't be a strange thought for a girl to have, except if the girl in question is me... I, who up until two months ago felt very ambivalent about the thought of a tiny human incubating in my body. I, who didn't think I wanted to share my fabulous husband with anyone else.

Now all I can think is what a fabulous father the husband would be, how deliciously cute our kids would be, how completely clueless (yet blissfully happy) I would be as someone's "mommy". I have dreams about babies, my daydreams all involve babies in some form or another... it's official: I have babies on the brain.

My biological clock took it's sweet time waking up... but now it's ticking unbearably loud. On the flip side of this, is that my paranoia has also shifted into high gear. The questions that run through my head are as nonstop as the images of cute, chubby babies. What if I can't get pregnant? What if there's something wrong with my plumbing? With my darling husband's?

The problem is, I come from a family where the women are super-fertile. Look at them wrong, and they might get pregnant. So why isn't that the case with me? Why is it that I've been off of birth control for almost a year, and I haven't had so much as a "scare"? I can't help but wonder if I'm going to join the ranks of countless women who find themselves having trouble conceiving. I've always thought that I was lucky to have the choice to choose whether or not to get pregnant... and now that it's not happening, I'm wondering if my choice has been taken away?